ChaosResolved
02-26-2006, 09:50 AM
Music and Sex
Well, ladies and gentlemen, let it be known that there is probably nothing better in the world than the pairing of excellent sex with excellent tunes. Equally, there’s probably not much worse than bad sex and bad tunes. Sure, there are wars; there are car accidents; there are heartbreaks; however, nothing is quite like that awkward moment, after some awkward sex, with some awkward music.
For example, you tell me if this scenario equates to a good lovemaking session: an ice-freezing bed, a partner who refuses to remove his or her socks, and Cannibal Corpse. Chances are, you aren’t going to get another shot with your partner. Which brings us to the topic at hand: Selecting the appropriate music for the appropriate mood is crucial for a quality sexual experience. Sex is supposed to be fun for both (or all) parties involved, and too many people quickly forget that. Music accompanies sex the way sprinkles accompany ice cream – it may not be completely necessary, but if you want to enjoy it to the fullest, you best add them sprinkles.
First and foremost, when selecting appropriate music, one must honestly acknowledge and hypothesize the upcoming sexual escapade. For the sake of time and honesty, let’s crudely designate sexual encounters into three separate forms: “boning,” “sex,” and “lovemaking.” All three are quite different, ranging from duration to mood to positioning. Sometimes, what needs to be done is a quickie in the bathroom of a party; sometimes, it needs to be a romantic, passionate experience with a deeply affectionate partner. Whatever the case may be, music must be prepped and planned ahead of time for all pleasurable visceral experiences.
In most situations, what is commonly referred to as a “bone,” is often unplanned or in the heat of the moment. Musical planning can often interfere with the mood and carnal passion associated with such instances. More often than not, you’d be safer ditching the music scenario during one of these sexual encounters. What would be more displeasing and more of a mood-killer than if during the zealous moment your partner said, “Hang on… what should we listen to…” There’s nothing that could recreate that passion once it’s halted. In conclusion, don’t worry about the tunes when encountered with a “bone.”
Now, here’s the most frequently visited stop on the way to Pleasure Town: “sex,” population – 5.9 billion; number of pleasurable visits – lower than you’d think. Yes, that’s right, people often ruin it for one reason or another, but we’re no psychiatrists here at Decoy; no, we’re elitists, and we’re here to tell you that your sex life is bad because you can’t pick the right music for the situation.
“Sex,” is somewhere between an animalistic “fuck” and a spoon-resulting “lovemaking.” It’s a wide range, which is why it’s often the most difficult for couples or triples or more to choose the best music for the scenario. As previously stated, more than anything, sex should be about pleasure for all parties involved – it feels good for a reason. While the safety and precautionary measures are very serious, the experience itself should not be. We’re not robots; we’re not dead; and we’re not Condoleeza Rice. We’re human. With that in mind, here are some musical suggestions for good sex, ranging from the wild and crazy to the soft and gentle:
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/chkchkchk.jpg
!!!’s !!!: More focused and less experimental than it’s successor, !!!’s self-titled release is the definition of a fun record – both for the dance floor and the bedroom. Plus, “The Step” is made for gettin’ down.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/acdc.jpg
AC/DC’s Back In Black: Yes, it’s true. Not only is this an insanely awesome record in general, try having sex to it and you’ll understand Angus Young’s guitar work on a whole new level.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/blackalicious.jpg
Blackalicious’ The Craft: Better than most hip-hop and rap records you could spin without potentially offending your partner. It has beats, flow, and soul that make for an excellent accompaniment to a light-hearted sexual escapade.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/brandnew.jpg
Brand New’s Deja Entendu: There’s something unexplainable about this album that makes it excellent for a casual sexual experience, but for some reason, it’s dynamic and balance results in pure awesomeness.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/eaglesofdeathmetal.jpg
Eagles of Death Metal’s Peace Love Death Metal: Never before has sloppy musicianship sounded this good. Jesse “the Devil” Hughes oozes sexuality straight from his voice, through your speakers, and directly to your moneymaker while playing only three chords.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/gorillaz.jpg
Gorillaz’ Gorillaz: Some may argue that Demon Days might be a more appropriate selection, but Demon Days doesn’t have Del tha Funkee Homosapien and Dan the Automator, whom combined have the power to gyrate hips for hours.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/minusthebear.jpg
Minus the Bear’s Highly Refined Pirates: Want to challenge yourself, while still having a damn fine time? Time your motions with Dave Knudson’s tapping guitar parts. Like many records on this list, Highly Refined Pirates has the necessary dynamics for a quality, sexual record.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/nerd.jpg
N.E.R.D.’s In Search Of…: The album freaking opens with “Lapdance” for God’s sake. If that doesn’t get your motor running, then maybe you actually are Condoleeza Rice.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/radiohead.jpg
Radiohead’s The Bends: Choosing the right Radiohead record can be tough, but The Bends is a surefire bet every time because it has less experimentation seen on latter-day Radiohead records, which can result in some confusion during the moment.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/smashingpumpkins.jpg
Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream: The warm, lush production of this record is comforting and relaxing; it has a ton of sexual euphemisms; and it has the balance of soft and heavy for a complete listening and sexual experience.
With February having the official love holiday, maybe you’re looking for some tunes leaning more towards “lovemaking” for you and your special man or lady. And let it be known, the more romantic the session, the more you and your partner will benefit from awesome music. This brings us to some of the best soul-bumping, “lovemaking” albums:
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/air.jpg
Air’s Talkie Walkie: The only thing wrong with this Air album is that “Playground Love” isn’t on it, which would’ve been enough to secure Talkie Walkie as one of the top-five most romantic records ever. Well, even without “Playground Love,” it’s still one of the most romantic records ever.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/beck.jpg
Beck’s Sea Change: Even though this album is notoriously about the most gut-wrenching breakup ever, Sea Change, produced by Nigel Godrich, is so sensual and passionate in tone that it cannot be neglected from this list.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/bonobo.jpg
Bonobo’s Dial “M” For Monkey: It’s an electronic record that is truly sexy without being overtly romantic, meaning, it will help create a great mood without it being too intimate. An ultimate chill-out record, and perfect if you want to take a sensual bath with your partner.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/brighteyes.jpg
Bright Eyes’ Lifted: Bright Eyes may be an unlikely choice for some, but Lifted has the structure, dynamic, and intimacy that many albums don’t. It can be soft; it can be dark; it can be vibrant; but it is always romantic.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/elliotsmith.jpg
Elliott Smith’s Either/Or: Much like Radiohead, it can be difficult in selecting the appropriate Smith record, but then again, you can’t really go wrong either. Either/Or is quiet and beautiful, and Smith’s voice is perfect for soft love session.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/eits.jpg
Explosions in the Sky’s The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place: The Earth isn’t dead and cold and neither is your moneymaker, so utilize this record because it is cerebral and sexual with slow-building crescendos and gently serene currents.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/kerenann.jpg
Keren Ann’s Nolita: Ann has one of the sexiest voices making music right now. Nolita is also one of the sexiest records released in the past year. Alternating between French and English and acoustic and electronic, Ann covers all the bases for a romantic album.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/massiveattack.jpg
Massive Attack’s Mezzanine: Probably the most essential album ever if you intend of having good sex with good music. The beats are heavy, the music is patient, and the ambience is Godly. I’m not sure even Condoleeza could deny a man (or woman) who played Mezzanine for her.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/portishead.jpg
Portishead’s Dummy: This, like Mezzanine, should be considered an essential for lovemaking. Beth Gibbons’ achingly beautiful voice is enough to send shivers down your spine, accompanying those your partner should be making.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/ryanadams.jpg
Ryan Adams’ Heartbreaker: Don’t be mislead by the title, the songs are romantic but with an edge often disregarded and ignored when artists make romantic albums. The somewhat lo-fi production makes Heartbreaker raw and powerful, creating an elegant intimacy.
Whether you prefer one form of sex to another isn’t important. What’s important is that everyone is on top of his or her respective game, and one of the best ways to do so is by keeping your music selections in check with the appropriate mood and situation. While owning and playing these records may not actually make you a better lover, they will enhance your and your partner’s sexual experience. There’s nothing more distracting than getting it on with Converge or My American Heart blasting in the background.
–Kamran Rouzpay
Well, ladies and gentlemen, let it be known that there is probably nothing better in the world than the pairing of excellent sex with excellent tunes. Equally, there’s probably not much worse than bad sex and bad tunes. Sure, there are wars; there are car accidents; there are heartbreaks; however, nothing is quite like that awkward moment, after some awkward sex, with some awkward music.
For example, you tell me if this scenario equates to a good lovemaking session: an ice-freezing bed, a partner who refuses to remove his or her socks, and Cannibal Corpse. Chances are, you aren’t going to get another shot with your partner. Which brings us to the topic at hand: Selecting the appropriate music for the appropriate mood is crucial for a quality sexual experience. Sex is supposed to be fun for both (or all) parties involved, and too many people quickly forget that. Music accompanies sex the way sprinkles accompany ice cream – it may not be completely necessary, but if you want to enjoy it to the fullest, you best add them sprinkles.
First and foremost, when selecting appropriate music, one must honestly acknowledge and hypothesize the upcoming sexual escapade. For the sake of time and honesty, let’s crudely designate sexual encounters into three separate forms: “boning,” “sex,” and “lovemaking.” All three are quite different, ranging from duration to mood to positioning. Sometimes, what needs to be done is a quickie in the bathroom of a party; sometimes, it needs to be a romantic, passionate experience with a deeply affectionate partner. Whatever the case may be, music must be prepped and planned ahead of time for all pleasurable visceral experiences.
In most situations, what is commonly referred to as a “bone,” is often unplanned or in the heat of the moment. Musical planning can often interfere with the mood and carnal passion associated with such instances. More often than not, you’d be safer ditching the music scenario during one of these sexual encounters. What would be more displeasing and more of a mood-killer than if during the zealous moment your partner said, “Hang on… what should we listen to…” There’s nothing that could recreate that passion once it’s halted. In conclusion, don’t worry about the tunes when encountered with a “bone.”
Now, here’s the most frequently visited stop on the way to Pleasure Town: “sex,” population – 5.9 billion; number of pleasurable visits – lower than you’d think. Yes, that’s right, people often ruin it for one reason or another, but we’re no psychiatrists here at Decoy; no, we’re elitists, and we’re here to tell you that your sex life is bad because you can’t pick the right music for the situation.
“Sex,” is somewhere between an animalistic “fuck” and a spoon-resulting “lovemaking.” It’s a wide range, which is why it’s often the most difficult for couples or triples or more to choose the best music for the scenario. As previously stated, more than anything, sex should be about pleasure for all parties involved – it feels good for a reason. While the safety and precautionary measures are very serious, the experience itself should not be. We’re not robots; we’re not dead; and we’re not Condoleeza Rice. We’re human. With that in mind, here are some musical suggestions for good sex, ranging from the wild and crazy to the soft and gentle:
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/chkchkchk.jpg
!!!’s !!!: More focused and less experimental than it’s successor, !!!’s self-titled release is the definition of a fun record – both for the dance floor and the bedroom. Plus, “The Step” is made for gettin’ down.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/acdc.jpg
AC/DC’s Back In Black: Yes, it’s true. Not only is this an insanely awesome record in general, try having sex to it and you’ll understand Angus Young’s guitar work on a whole new level.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/blackalicious.jpg
Blackalicious’ The Craft: Better than most hip-hop and rap records you could spin without potentially offending your partner. It has beats, flow, and soul that make for an excellent accompaniment to a light-hearted sexual escapade.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/brandnew.jpg
Brand New’s Deja Entendu: There’s something unexplainable about this album that makes it excellent for a casual sexual experience, but for some reason, it’s dynamic and balance results in pure awesomeness.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/eaglesofdeathmetal.jpg
Eagles of Death Metal’s Peace Love Death Metal: Never before has sloppy musicianship sounded this good. Jesse “the Devil” Hughes oozes sexuality straight from his voice, through your speakers, and directly to your moneymaker while playing only three chords.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/gorillaz.jpg
Gorillaz’ Gorillaz: Some may argue that Demon Days might be a more appropriate selection, but Demon Days doesn’t have Del tha Funkee Homosapien and Dan the Automator, whom combined have the power to gyrate hips for hours.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/minusthebear.jpg
Minus the Bear’s Highly Refined Pirates: Want to challenge yourself, while still having a damn fine time? Time your motions with Dave Knudson’s tapping guitar parts. Like many records on this list, Highly Refined Pirates has the necessary dynamics for a quality, sexual record.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/nerd.jpg
N.E.R.D.’s In Search Of…: The album freaking opens with “Lapdance” for God’s sake. If that doesn’t get your motor running, then maybe you actually are Condoleeza Rice.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/radiohead.jpg
Radiohead’s The Bends: Choosing the right Radiohead record can be tough, but The Bends is a surefire bet every time because it has less experimentation seen on latter-day Radiohead records, which can result in some confusion during the moment.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/smashingpumpkins.jpg
Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream: The warm, lush production of this record is comforting and relaxing; it has a ton of sexual euphemisms; and it has the balance of soft and heavy for a complete listening and sexual experience.
With February having the official love holiday, maybe you’re looking for some tunes leaning more towards “lovemaking” for you and your special man or lady. And let it be known, the more romantic the session, the more you and your partner will benefit from awesome music. This brings us to some of the best soul-bumping, “lovemaking” albums:
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/air.jpg
Air’s Talkie Walkie: The only thing wrong with this Air album is that “Playground Love” isn’t on it, which would’ve been enough to secure Talkie Walkie as one of the top-five most romantic records ever. Well, even without “Playground Love,” it’s still one of the most romantic records ever.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/beck.jpg
Beck’s Sea Change: Even though this album is notoriously about the most gut-wrenching breakup ever, Sea Change, produced by Nigel Godrich, is so sensual and passionate in tone that it cannot be neglected from this list.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/bonobo.jpg
Bonobo’s Dial “M” For Monkey: It’s an electronic record that is truly sexy without being overtly romantic, meaning, it will help create a great mood without it being too intimate. An ultimate chill-out record, and perfect if you want to take a sensual bath with your partner.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/brighteyes.jpg
Bright Eyes’ Lifted: Bright Eyes may be an unlikely choice for some, but Lifted has the structure, dynamic, and intimacy that many albums don’t. It can be soft; it can be dark; it can be vibrant; but it is always romantic.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/elliotsmith.jpg
Elliott Smith’s Either/Or: Much like Radiohead, it can be difficult in selecting the appropriate Smith record, but then again, you can’t really go wrong either. Either/Or is quiet and beautiful, and Smith’s voice is perfect for soft love session.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/eits.jpg
Explosions in the Sky’s The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place: The Earth isn’t dead and cold and neither is your moneymaker, so utilize this record because it is cerebral and sexual with slow-building crescendos and gently serene currents.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/kerenann.jpg
Keren Ann’s Nolita: Ann has one of the sexiest voices making music right now. Nolita is also one of the sexiest records released in the past year. Alternating between French and English and acoustic and electronic, Ann covers all the bases for a romantic album.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/massiveattack.jpg
Massive Attack’s Mezzanine: Probably the most essential album ever if you intend of having good sex with good music. The beats are heavy, the music is patient, and the ambience is Godly. I’m not sure even Condoleeza could deny a man (or woman) who played Mezzanine for her.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/portishead.jpg
Portishead’s Dummy: This, like Mezzanine, should be considered an essential for lovemaking. Beth Gibbons’ achingly beautiful voice is enough to send shivers down your spine, accompanying those your partner should be making.
http://www.decoymusic.com/images/trackingthetrends/sex/ryanadams.jpg
Ryan Adams’ Heartbreaker: Don’t be mislead by the title, the songs are romantic but with an edge often disregarded and ignored when artists make romantic albums. The somewhat lo-fi production makes Heartbreaker raw and powerful, creating an elegant intimacy.
Whether you prefer one form of sex to another isn’t important. What’s important is that everyone is on top of his or her respective game, and one of the best ways to do so is by keeping your music selections in check with the appropriate mood and situation. While owning and playing these records may not actually make you a better lover, they will enhance your and your partner’s sexual experience. There’s nothing more distracting than getting it on with Converge or My American Heart blasting in the background.
–Kamran Rouzpay