rmgebhardt
10-08-2005, 05:31 PM
For those of you who have never talked to me, either in person or online, there's something you probably have never known about me. And that is this: I have minimal appreciation for those who came before me, those who surround me, and those who are better than me, as far as writing is concerned. I just find the written word boring unless I write it. I'm not saying that I find everything ever written boring. I'm just saying that it's not unboring for long enough to keep my interest. The only author I can read for extensive periods of time is Dean Koontz. Sure, his stories are rather predictable, but they're worded almost perfectly. You don't write a book entirely in iambic pentameter on accident, people.
Anyway, it's mostly been petty things that have bothered me about authors. I generally don’t like most music reviewers because I rarely agree with them. But I can tell when someone writes a good review. I’m going to be discussing neither of these once this rant really gets going, however.
Here's my problem with music reviewers, something I've pretty much avoided thinking about since I first started… They are unappreciative fucks. They don't realize that what they say could influence someone to buy a record, to avoid a band, to tell others to buy a record. And it's not really even that that gets to me. It's that they get this music for free and don't appreciate that in the least. In all my years at Decoy, I've actually gotten a startlingly low amount of free albums. I'd dare say if I own an album that I've reviewed, 90% of the time, I've purchased it for myself. Today was another one of those times.
I'd had mp3s of an album by I Am Kloot called Gods and Monsters for several months now. Today, I went out looking for three albums. Three albums I would only buy if they were under 9 dollars (I'm on a self-imposed budget for once in my life, dammit!). I found none of the albums new for 9 dollars. But I found Gods and Monsters in the used bin for 8. I grabbed it. Then I walked to the checkout, in usual music buyer fashion. I was idly standing there waiting to make my purchase, so I decided to check out the back of the album. And there it was: the most ghastly apparition in musical history. The fucking hole punch in the bar code. This can mean only one of two things to those in the know: this is a music station's copy… or a music reviewer's copy.
Then I had to ponder two things: Which was most likely and which was more offensive? The answer to these questions was one and the same: Music reviewer. I honestly don't think I Am Kloot would get any radio play in the United States ever, even though they're not "inaccessible." So it only makes sense that this album found its way into a Sacramento music store via ungrateful fuck of a music reviewer.
So, to that guy and every fucking one of you like it: Fuck you, you ungrateful son of a bitch. You get these things for free and you fucking rip it onto your computer, burn a copy for yourself, and have the nerve to make a goddamn profit on this fucking work of art. Meanwhile, I'm here, working for no pay (this is the worst part: this fucker most likely even gets paid for the drivel he writes), and buying CDs from what little money I make at my day job. You are an asshole, sir. You and your buddies who use your freebies for drink coasters. At least have the courtesy to keep the good records and sell the shitty ones. If you thought this record was shit, you have no business reviewing music in the first place. You probably gave it a low score or didn’t even bother penning a single word. I seriously cannot stand you. I despise you. I spit on your face and everything you stand for.
So yeah, fuck other reviewers. Fuck writers. Fuck everybody who doesn't believe what I believe! But love for all of those who buy I Am Kloot's Gods and Monsters.
--Ben Rice
Anyway, it's mostly been petty things that have bothered me about authors. I generally don’t like most music reviewers because I rarely agree with them. But I can tell when someone writes a good review. I’m going to be discussing neither of these once this rant really gets going, however.
Here's my problem with music reviewers, something I've pretty much avoided thinking about since I first started… They are unappreciative fucks. They don't realize that what they say could influence someone to buy a record, to avoid a band, to tell others to buy a record. And it's not really even that that gets to me. It's that they get this music for free and don't appreciate that in the least. In all my years at Decoy, I've actually gotten a startlingly low amount of free albums. I'd dare say if I own an album that I've reviewed, 90% of the time, I've purchased it for myself. Today was another one of those times.
I'd had mp3s of an album by I Am Kloot called Gods and Monsters for several months now. Today, I went out looking for three albums. Three albums I would only buy if they were under 9 dollars (I'm on a self-imposed budget for once in my life, dammit!). I found none of the albums new for 9 dollars. But I found Gods and Monsters in the used bin for 8. I grabbed it. Then I walked to the checkout, in usual music buyer fashion. I was idly standing there waiting to make my purchase, so I decided to check out the back of the album. And there it was: the most ghastly apparition in musical history. The fucking hole punch in the bar code. This can mean only one of two things to those in the know: this is a music station's copy… or a music reviewer's copy.
Then I had to ponder two things: Which was most likely and which was more offensive? The answer to these questions was one and the same: Music reviewer. I honestly don't think I Am Kloot would get any radio play in the United States ever, even though they're not "inaccessible." So it only makes sense that this album found its way into a Sacramento music store via ungrateful fuck of a music reviewer.
So, to that guy and every fucking one of you like it: Fuck you, you ungrateful son of a bitch. You get these things for free and you fucking rip it onto your computer, burn a copy for yourself, and have the nerve to make a goddamn profit on this fucking work of art. Meanwhile, I'm here, working for no pay (this is the worst part: this fucker most likely even gets paid for the drivel he writes), and buying CDs from what little money I make at my day job. You are an asshole, sir. You and your buddies who use your freebies for drink coasters. At least have the courtesy to keep the good records and sell the shitty ones. If you thought this record was shit, you have no business reviewing music in the first place. You probably gave it a low score or didn’t even bother penning a single word. I seriously cannot stand you. I despise you. I spit on your face and everything you stand for.
So yeah, fuck other reviewers. Fuck writers. Fuck everybody who doesn't believe what I believe! But love for all of those who buy I Am Kloot's Gods and Monsters.
--Ben Rice