Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th

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In worlds both real and fictional, the return of the Friday the 13th series in its classic (and I use that term loosely) incarnation is both welcomed and long overdue. It may not seem like it, but between fighting Freddy Krueger and visiting space, Hell AND Manhattan, Jason Vorhees hasn’t actually stomped through Camp Crystal Lake picking off horny teenagers for two decades. And in these troubled economic times (aside: sweet fucking Jesus am I already tired of hearing some variation of that phrase during every other commercial that airs on television), the real world America could probably use all the good old fashioned escapist fun that it can get. And unabashed slasher films are nothing if not good old fashioned escapist fun.

Thus, this latest remake from Platinum Dunes (Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Texas Chainsaw Massacre) seems to have an easy job ahead of it. Give us what you know we love, and everybody wins. And whenever they do just that, Friday the 13th succeeds in spades. Most of the film is fun, funny and will make audiences squirm in just the right ways, adhering to the formula that box office receipts have proved we enjoy. There’s the gratuitous nudity, drinking and drug use to compliment all the inevitable violence, no shortage of victims – including a character who is possibly the most douche baggiest of douche baggy frat boys in the history of cinema, and oh so wonderfully so – and impalements in all sorts of creative ways. Abandoning the torture porn feel that was all the rage for a few years there and thankfully not even bothering with the watered down Asian horror remake craze that is still lumbering on to diminishing box office returns, everyone involved in Friday the 13th smartly realized that the best bet was not to try and reinvent the wheel, but just to bring it back to the big screen with better lighting, special effects and pairs of breasts.

But although they left the core of it intact, Platinum Dunes couldn’t resist trying to alter the formula in a few small ways. I understand the need to do something, anything different from past movies because otherwise you’ve just got that shot for shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho from about ten years back, and boy was that a big steaming pile. But unfortunately - albeit predictably - most anything that doesn’t directly have to do with a hockey masked machete wielder hacking up people who annoy us inevitably becomes the worst parts of the film. Whether they’re sloppy (creepy, old lady townsfolk giving ominous warnings that the storyline directly disregards when convenient), too far out of left field (Jason’s reaction to a girl who bears some sort of passing resemblance to his dear departed mother seems preposterous even for a slasher film) or simply unnecessary (Jason has apparently spent the time since his mother’s death back in 1980 setting up an elaborate series of tunnels and traps throughout the greater Crystal Lake region) these little tweaks just leave us waiting impatiently for some more reckless bloodletting.  I understand and even in a certain way enjoy the slightly more realistic logic of a hunter Jason who has spent years meticulously preparing to creatively dispatch anyone who sets foot near Crystal Lake compared to a shambling zombie Jason who seems to be utterly brain dead except for remembering the act of thrusting a sharp object toward a jugular, but when the rest of the movie hews so closely to the originals any change becomes distracting.

But thankfully these changes are few and far between, and mostly made up for by getting so much right. Though the film makes Jason a bit more realistic in some ways, it also smartly retains the spooky, ninja like abilities he has to seemingly be everywhere at once and move between places without a sound. I could have done with a few more imaginative, “slam a co-ed filled sleeping bag into a tree” style murders, but the various deaths (13 in all) are superbly shot if not necessarily all that diversely executed. The dour tone of the other Platinum Dunes remakes is rejected in favor of something still horrific but not without a macabre sense of humor; I legitimately burst out laughing more than once. And, most impressively, the film maintains a near perfect balance of murdering with build-up to murdering; the greatest flaw in most slasher films and definitely any Friday the 13th film that I’ve seen (which, to be honest, isn’t nearly all of them) is the boring lulls in carnage where exposition is doled out or we are supposed to be building up empathy for the eventual victims in an otherwise superfluous “calm before the storm” moment. But this latest Friday the 13th successfully gives us just enough breaks in tension to make the mayhem all the more thrilling but not something we twiddle our thumbs waiting for; it’s not constant chaos but it’s definitely more than enough action for all but the most jaded gorehounds. Friday the 13th isn’t perfect, and with its sporadic and unnecessary changes it isn’t even a perfect slasher movie, but it certainly succeeds in all the ways it’s supposed to.

- Jeff Latta

Comments

Aaron Yarborough
02/13/2009
10:39AM
Age: 30
Location
Atascadero, CA

hmm.. probably will end up watching this but not til it hits DVD.

Decoymusic.com (CEO/Founder)
Blue Reef Design Studios (Web Development)
http://aarontroy.tumblr.com

Mike Duchnowsky
02/13/2009
10:51AM
Age: 27
Location
West Haven, CT

This is the most human Jason has ever been.
This really is Friday The 13th 1-4. With some new characters and a semi new twist.

The Cityscape Burns Brighter By The Hour.

Rick Gebhardt
02/13/2009
11:03AM
Age: 30
Location
Minnesota

WTF?  A Michael Bay flick, and a remake at that, getting 4 stars?  Come on, Jeff, today is Friday the 13th, not April Fool's Day!

Find me EVERYWHERE:

Mike Duchnowsky
02/13/2009
11:08AM
Age: 27
Location
West Haven, CT
Rick Gebhardt

WTF?  A Michael Bay flick, and a remake at that, getting 4 stars?  Come on, Jeff, today is Friday the 13th, not April Fool's Day!

It wasn't a Michael Bay movie. He produced it. Sean S. Cunningham also produced it, keeping it the way its supposed to be.

The Cityscape Burns Brighter By The Hour.

Rick Gebhardt
02/13/2009
11:45AM
Age: 30
Location
Minnesota

I don't care who else was involved, I will boycott almost anything Michal Bay.  He's such a fucking hack.

Find me EVERYWHERE:

Cameron
02/14/2009
01:52AM
Age: 24
Location
Norman, OK
Rick Gebhardt

I don't care who else was involved, I will boycott almost anything Michal Bay.  He's such a fucking hack.

I hate Bay as much as the next guy, but to call him a hack is totally unwarranted. He's very good at what he wants to do, but what he wants to do just isn't very good.

But yeah, how the hell does this get four stars? I haven't seen it, but judging from pretty much every other review I've seen there's no way it deserves it. The fact that this has a higher score than Synecdoche New York totally invalidates Decoy's movie ratings.

Aaron Yarborough
02/14/2009
09:39AM
Age: 30
Location
Atascadero, CA
Cameron
But yeah, how the hell does this get four stars? I haven't seen it, but judging from pretty much every other review I've seen there's no way it deserves it. The fact that this has a higher score than Synecdoche New York totally invalidates Decoy's movie ratings.

if it was written by the same reviewer, maybe.. but it wasnt.

Decoymusic.com (CEO/Founder)
Blue Reef Design Studios (Web Development)
http://aarontroy.tumblr.com

rocketcat
02/14/2009
11:20AM

The Island and Armageddon were pretty good..

Taylor.Pile
02/15/2009
11:33AM
Location
Boston

I hope this movie is brutally metal.

Taylor Pile.

Mike Duchnowsky
02/15/2009
01:53PM
Age: 27
Location
West Haven, CT

Well its not "brutally metal" but its entertaining.

The Cityscape Burns Brighter By The Hour.

NiCK JAMES
02/19/2009
05:59PM
Age: 20
Location
Lakewood, OH

I thought this movie was terrible. I might be new to the series, and can't respect it's remake success, but I thought it blew chunks. Massive chunks.

Rick Gebhardt
02/19/2009
06:05PM
Age: 30
Location
Minnesota
rocketcat

The Island and Armageddon were pretty good..

What the fuck is wrong with you????

Find me EVERYWHERE:

rocketcat
02/20/2009
09:35AM
Rick Gebhardt
rocketcat

The Island and Armageddon were pretty good..

What the fuck is wrong with you????

ok, I still think the Island was pretty good..
Pearl Harbor then?

KEVO
02/23/2009
02:14PM
Age: 20
Location
Alabama
rocketcat
Rick Gebhardt
rocketcat

The Island and Armageddon were pretty good..

What the fuck is wrong with you????

ok, I still think the Island was pretty good..
Pearl Harbor then?

hahahahahahah

rocketcat
02/23/2009
03:33PM
KEVO
rocketcat
Rick Gebhardt
rocketcat

The Island and Armageddon were pretty good..

What the fuck is wrong with you????

ok, I still think the Island was pretty good..
Pearl Harbor then?

hahahahahahah

I still like the Island

Genre: Corecore
02/23/2009
04:10PM
Location
St. Louis, MO

The Island was decent, and Transformers was pretty good, but that's it for Bay.

That being said, I really want to see this.

~Tom



The Silent Ballet: The very best in instrumental and post-rock reviews and coverage.

andrewking
02/23/2009
04:18PM

Okay, I need recs for a genuinely scary movie.  I wanted to take my girl to see this, but I'm not sure it'll be very good.

We rented Halloween (the original) this weekend, and it was pretty disappointing (the remake sucked also). Maybe we're a bit desensitized these days, but I can think of maybe 3 movies that really scared me.  Anyone have any ideas for a really good slasher/horror flick?

jeff the baptist
02/24/2009
04:23PM

id say the only scary "slasher" movie I've ever seen is the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, just because its shot so cheaply its like a documentary at times. but in general I dont think any slasher movies are supposed to be scary....as far as scary horror, I find The Shining to be fairly unsettling and The Exorcist to be super godamn unsettling...but then again you appear to not like the original Halloween so our tastes probably don't match up that well since I find it to be utterly badass, and that also might mean you're not a fan of 70s horror which both shining and exorcist are.

andrewking
02/24/2009
04:59PM
Jeff Latta

id say the only scary "slasher" movie I've ever seen is the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, just because its shot so cheaply its like a documentary at times. but in general I dont think any slasher movies are supposed to be scary....as far as scary horror, I find The Shining to be fairly unsettling and The Exorcist to be super godamn unsettling...but then again you appear to not like the original Halloween so our tastes probably don't match up that well since I find it to be utterly badass, and that also might mean you're not a fan of 70s horror which both shining and exorcist are.

Thanks brother. I actually enjoyed both The Shining (great thriller) and The Exorcist (one of the scariest movies I've ever seen).  I'll have to check out the original TCM. Good rec.

Mike Duchnowsky
02/24/2009
05:49PM
Age: 27
Location
West Haven, CT
andrewking

Okay, I need recs for a genuinely scary movie.  I wanted to take my girl to see this, but I'm not sure it'll be very good.

We rented Halloween (the original) this weekend, and it was pretty disappointing (the remake sucked also). Maybe we're a bit desensitized these days, but I can think of maybe 3 movies that really scared me.  Anyone have any ideas for a really good slasher/horror flick?

If you don't like the original Halloween there's no hope for you.

The Cityscape Burns Brighter By The Hour.

jeff the baptist
02/24/2009
10:19PM
andrewking
Jeff Latta
id say the only scary "slasher" movie I've ever seen is the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, just because its shot so cheaply its like a documentary at times. but in general I dont think any slasher movies are supposed to be scary....as far as scary horror, I find The Shining to be fairly unsettling and The Exorcist to be super godamn unsettling...but then again you appear to not like the original Halloween so our tastes probably don't match up that well since I find it to be utterly badass, and that also might mean you're not a fan of 70s horror which both shining and exorcist are.

Thanks brother. I actually enjoyed both The Shining (great thriller) and The Exorcist (one of the scariest movies I've ever seen).  I'll have to check out the original TCM. Good rec.

well brother, if you liked the shining and got scared by the exorcist, then id say our tastes do match up pretty darn well and the halloween thing is an exception and not the rule. and i certainly agree with you that the halloween remake is total crap.

other horror recommendations, although none of them are necessarily scary - the thing, pumpkinhead (great atmosphere, and who doesnt love hillbillys), dead alive (but only if you love gratuitious gore), and the original and 1990 versions of night of the living dead.