walking on eggshells

in General Discussion
aaron
Posted at 06/28/2010 04:09PM
Age: 32
Location:
Atascadero, CA

just curious how many of us around these parts have had a situation where they felt the need to keep something from someone else in regards to not wanting to feel hurt.  for instance, I told my aunt back in March that myself and my wife were going to get married in April, and she returned that with negativity and telling me to rethink my decision because it's the wrong one kind of thing which further led me to second guess what I was going and give me a sense of anxiety.

flash foward, in April we decided to get married May 8th.. this time around instead of dealing with the same issues and anxiety and whatever (since I know and have known I was going to marry this woman) I decided to not let her know that we were going to get married.  Not out of spite, but I am 28years old and can make my own decisions good or bad about how I want to live my life.  So I didn't let her know.  Now this morning I get an email stating that she found out and that she is incredibly hurt because I had yet to tell her about it.  I replied with the fact I didn't know how to tell her because of the way she reacted in the first place, she didn't support my decision obviously and I didn't want to feel any sort of negativity or anything when leaded towards my big day, or afterwards coming from her.  I just told her how hurt I was over the first time I told her we were going to get married and have a baby and that I didn't want to go down that road again. 

Anyone else have an similar situations with family or friends, or can relate in same way shape or form?  Do you think I handled the situation properly? What would you have done?

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mmakara81
Posted at 06/28/2010 05:44PM
Location:
San Francisco, CA

your aunt sounds like a gigantic pain in the ass.

aaron
Posted at 06/28/2010 08:32PM
Age: 32
Location:
Atascadero, CA

my dad just says "now you see why i dont talk to her anymore"  so yes.  im the only one in the family who does still talk to her.

Decoymusic.com (CEO/Founder)
Blue Reef Design Studios (Web Development)
http://aarontroy.tumblr.com

mmakara81
Posted at 06/28/2010 09:25PM
Location:
San Francisco, CA

i got an aunt like that....been married three times, and it's never 'her' fault

Max
Posted at 06/28/2010 11:08PM
Location:
London, UK

My Sister was in a long term relationship with someone whose Mum hated their relationship. Basically she was really possesive and over the years kind of poisoned things between them. It became really hard for him balancing the realtionship with my Sister and his Mum and gradually it caused too much stress for things to work.

I think if you care about someone in your family but don't like their relationship choices then you have two sensibleoptions - i) keep quiet and let them make their own choices. They're an adult so it's up to them, you should respect their decisions. Or, ii) Raise your objections in an open adult way but then stay out of it and say "I don't think xxx is right for you but I'll be here for you either way and I won't interfere or criticise. Anything else is kind of immature and insensitive.

In my opinion if your Aunt was thining about you first, she would have raised any objections very carefully (treated you like 'walking on eggshells'). It sounds like she just blundered in without much tact or consideration for your feelings. If you think it's a relationship you want to salvage then I'd just be open with your Aunt and give her an opportunity to say 'Ok, I don't love this realtionship you're in but it's your call and I'll let you get on with your life your way'. If she won't do that, then maybe she'll never be happy to let you do things your way


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