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backstory: my car was having this crazy sound coming out of the front side of my engine on wednesday morning. i noticed it pretty much went away when i was driving about 25mph, but was very much there when my car was stopped. fortunately, my car was low on gas, so on my home from work, i checked it out and found that a cap of some sort had split in half and one part was rattling around by my serpentine belt. the other half was right where it should be.

at this point, i should note that my vehicle was sold to me without an owner's manual, which is pretty badass, really. anyway, it didn't appear this cap was particularly necessary so i just took the two parts and put them on my passenger seat so i could put it back in if it turns out it IS essential until i could get it repaired.

today, i downloaded an owner's manual pdf at the cost of five dollars (american). 296 pages, not one reference to what this item is. everything on the engine is identified except this fucking part.

so i call my dealer to find out what the part is. this is a basic transcript of my conversation:

"hey, this is ben. i'm calling to find out what this part is in my engine, because it's not identified in the owner's manual."
"ok, what kind of car?"
"it's an 01 ford focus"
"ok, where is the part?"
"it's right below the coolant housing, on the engine itself, to the left of the oil cap"
"is it the oil cap?"
"i just said it's to the left of that"
"oh ok"
"and LITERALLY right below the coolant housing"
"well, what's the problem?"
"it split in half and i just want to know what it is so i can go buy a new one"
"i'm sorry. i don't know what part you're talking about."
"this is the parts department, right?"
"yes."
"ok, so again, it's to on the engine itself, to the left of the oil caps. but it's attached to that same area. and this cap is LITERALLY right below the coolant housing."
"i don't know what part that is."
"have you ever seen an engine? because i'm describing this exactly."
"i'd have to see it. can you bring it in?"
"i'm not driving 30 miles in the rain so you can tell me what part of an engine you design split in half for no reason. i'll just bring it to a shop down the street, since they know your cars better than you do, apparently. thanks for your help."

note: ford's customer service 800# is not open on weekends.

previous conversation with regards to getting a copy of a key made...

"yes, i'm just here to get a copy of this key made. it's electronic, so no place will make a copy of it. right now, i don't care if it doesn't have the electronics. i really just want a key to unlock the door in case i lock this one inside my car."
"well, we don't make copies like that. we'd have to include the computer activation."
"ok, fine, whatever. so let's do that."
"well, it's 4:30 and we close at 6."
"yeah, ok. so we've got an hour and a half."
"we're going to need the car a full day."
"to make a copy of this key?"
"we have to integrate it with your car's computer system."
"well, yeah, obviously. but that takes all day?"
"the time varies."
"what's the shortest time it takes?"
"the time varies."
"so it could be ten minutes, could be ten hours. and we have an hour and a half, and you won't even try to get it done today?"
"we'd need the car for a whole day."
"ok, let's shift gears here. how much will this cost?"
"about $175."
"about?"
"yeah, like $120-$190."
"i'm sorry. we're talking about a key for a 2001 ford focus. and you're saying that, despite it being a very specific year/make/model, not only does the time it takes to program a key vary, but the cost of the key varies?"
"yes."
"do i get a replacement vehicle while you have my car for an entire day?"
"at an extra charge."
"and nowhere else can do this for me?"
"dealer only."
"and there's no way i can just get a normal key made that won't start my engine?"
"no."
"thanks. i might be back later."

That's ridiculous.

I'm referring both to the situations and the fact you could reproduce them from memory. Unless you have a secretary.

Oh dude. I had a hell of a problem getting a key made for my '01 Chevy Lumina. I'd lost all my sets of keys and went to the dealership to get a key made. They made the key. Charged me close to a hundred dollars and the damn key would not work! They would not refund my money or retry to make the key. They would not give me any service at all. They would not even allow me to pay another hundred dollars for them to try the key again. I had to drive 50 miles to the next Chevy dealership and in ten minutes. Bingo, a key that fully works. Fucking dumbass's at the first dealership put in the wrong fucking key code, burned the wrong key and told me to GTFO so he wouldn't get in trouble.

well, the first one just happened right before i posted this, so it was pretty easy to recall. and that other one might be an amalgamation of the three separate times i tried to get that fucking key made.

Ooh, I drive a '99 Ford Focus. I've been pretty happy with it, although I haven't had to deal with idiotic Ford customer relations reps either.

As a mechanic i've figured out your problem............you own a Ford. :p

yep fuck ford, we sold our franchise back.